I will never forget the day my father pulled me aside for mistreating my mother; I was probably 8 years-old. The following Family Home Evening, my brothers and I were taught the definition of chivalry and what constitutes a chivalrous act.
By no specific fault of either gender, chivalry has gone the way of the dinosaurs — quite disappointedly. Here’s a video illustrating what I mean… (start around min 2 and you only need to watch about a min of the clip; more if you like the video)
Specifically, in dating, this has become apparent with a few (not all) of the girls I’ve gone out with. I’ll never forget one experience I had on a date about 3 years ago when I opened the door for my date; she looked at me and said (no lie), “What! You think I can’t get the d@%* door myself? I’ve got two arms, ya know.” It was a blind date, so I can’t blame her for not wanting to go. LOL!
I guess the point I’m trying to get across is this: Can we all try a little harder to be more chivalrous, or gracious to accept chivalry?
The world won’t change over night, but it’s worth a try.
You can hold my door open any day, Don.
Aww, Don that is wonderful. I remember when I was young seeing an older gentleman holding a door for his wife/lady friend/whatever, and she just walked right on without a word. Ever since then I’ve always ALWAYS made a point to say thank you, and I think a big reason chivalry is dying (not quite dead yet), is because we’re beginning to lack niceties like saying ‘thank you’ or even smiling. So it’s good to hear that you’re still one of the few!
Amen, Jane. Their are women who like that. I myself like a guy who’s got great manners and the will definitely treat me right. You don’t find them out there these days. I know I haven’t found one that is.
I usually smile and say thank you to a total stranger who open the door for me. I appreciated that.
Teresa. We can hold doors open for guys. I do it all the time. I don’t close the door on guys when they come to the door. Girls can do the opposite sometimes.
I don’t understand woman who feel offended by being treated like a lady. I love it when a man holds the door open etc…for me. I’ve brought my son up to have respect and good manners. His father (my ex husband) was brought up the same and always treated me the same way. Its such a shame that gentlemen seem to have become a dying breed.
You were brought up very well Don so just continue to be the gentleman that you are. MOST woman like that in a man…:)
Amen, brother. You are d@&! right!
my 8 year old when i try to teach him about being respectfutl and opening doors for girls wants to know when is it a boys turn to let girls open doors for him.
See Don. You’re not the only one who think that’s right to be polite. We were raised like that. Like I said. In the south, we are told to do that. We had no choice, but to respect everybody. I guess it just comes from the history of our state and the deep south.
I do want to say this. I kinda hated being called Ms. Stewart. Ms. Shundra. It makes me feel old. I respect that they were taught that, but I’m 29. I don’t feel comfortable being called Ms.
I do want to say this. I worked with children at church. 7 to 9 for mentorship and I’m a Youth Leader for our Youth Department. The 7 to 9 year old don’t sometimes say thank you. When we passed them out stuff or give them food, I would say maybe 5 out of 40 of the kids said thank you. 5 out of 40 and I would say maybe 2 of them were boys. That’s not good.
I smiled at those kids who said thank you to me. It blew me away and touched my heart that they appreciated me giving them something. And respected an adult.
Don. I just don’t think its going to change anytime soon. Today’s generation is just not taught about manners, respecting your parents or respecting any adults.
All we can do is teach our future children to respectful to us and other adults. You just can’t force to change them.
Juls, your Grandmother was so right on.
OH MY goodness, I love it when guys hold doors for me. My parents brought my Brother and I up with good manners. I always hold the door for people.
My Hubby on the other hand did not have a good example at all. I remember once while on vacation with my parents, he started to exit the elevator first, my Father put his arm in front of him to stop him until My Mother and I had exited. Gill didn’t get it and I told him, ladies and older folks should always go first. Well, it never sank in and actually, he is usually a couple of feet ahead of me whenever we go anywhere. He does sometimes open doors for me but not often. I sometimes am embarrassed because he always charges out first and is not very curtious to others around him.
However, I do love him and I don’t think he way will change. Our only children are kitties so at least I do not have to worry about a poor example to children.
The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Your father showed you a great lesson there, your mother deserves your respect always as there will never be anyone who loves you as much as her. If you can find a woman who comes pretty close to caring for you like your Mum, you will do very well.
I hope you find that special someone soon, Don.
Manners – they are quickly becoming a “thing” of the past, and it is such a shame. It takes only seconds to hold a door, push in a chair, or even smile at a passing stranger. It takes less than that to show respect for all man kind.
My grandmother was a huge sticker for “politeness” and ALWAYS expected all of her children, and grandchildren to be polite and courteous at all times. No matter gender or situation – she always said, “It just takes a moment to be polite, and you just may make someone smile by showing them a little bit of courtesy.”
She’d reach over and grab us by the ears if we were ever caught being less than perfectly polite.
I open doors, great people with a smile, and give up my chair without a moments hesitation. If not, my grams would have my hide from her grave ….
I have two sons 19 and 17. My youngest has always opened the door for anyone whenever we went into a store. This started at a young age, today he is very a courteous young man. Now, the oldest is another story. He has to be reminded from time to time to be more repectful to others especially me, his father and step-mother. But, he is very courteous to the few girls he has dated.
When dating I like the guy to open the door for me. I want to see how generous that person is.
I myself hold the door for people that are exiting a store or entering.
You have been taught right. I like the word choice too. I just always called in manners and respect.
That’s one reason I started really liking Korean drama’s. The guys go around and open the car door for thier dates; they repect thier parents and elders; family is important, etc.
I think people need to go back to having manners. It’s not outdated and the little things like that show/tell others you care.
(you are brave to go on blind dates.)
I think see what your father was doing. He taught to treat ladies right. Be polite and he wanted his boys to do the same thing. Even if they barely do these things anymore.
Don. You just continued to be a polite guy. Some girls like that kind of stuff. I said some not all.
Amen brotha!
You should have mentioned the guy who asked me on a blind date via text message! I still get riled up when I think about that! Thanks for the advice!
Also I wanted to add. I don’t expect any guy to open the door for me and I don’t wait for them to do it either, but if they do opened the door for me, I’m ok with it. I just see that as an act of kindness, politeness and courtesy.
Majority of the time, I opened the door for myself, but I have nothing against a guy who do open the door for me.
First off, Don. I had no idea what that word mean. Well actually. I didn’t know chivalry had another meaning.
Anyway. Oh my. So disrespectful. Meaning the student that is. No manners. First cursing and second. He thinks a girl won’t like that.
Well Donny taught you guys at a great age. This day and age, you have to start early because children DO NOT respect adults. Not even their parents. I’ve seen it and it makes me angry especially when they just let their child just cry, cry and cry. Not caring it disturbs other people that around. I had that problem when I was getting my oil changed last week. I just wanted to say shut that kid up.
Anyway. Well Don. I’m from the South and we were raised to say yes ma’am, yes sir. No ma’am, no sir. Thank you and you’re welcome. We were expected to say those things and respect our elders. My best friend is from Pennsylvania and when she moved her to Mississippi, she got in trouble for not saying that. She was taught that, but wasn’t to say that all the time.
I don’t see children being respectful anymore. Kids don’t be polite or have manners where I’m from. I smile when I see a 8 or 9 year old(even younger) opened the door for me. So respectful.
Sometimes parents have to tell their sons to open the door for us.
Well Don. I like when a guy opens the door for me. Well I never had anybody opened the car door for me, but a door going into a store or church, I get that all the time. I even hold the door for anybody. Children, ladies and men. I’m being kind.
Don. I wouldn’t mind if you opened the door for me. You’re being respectful especially toward women and good manners. First off. If a cursing word is the first thing that comes out of her mouth when you’re being polite, she wasn’t right for you anyway. I thought that was rude for her to cuss at you just for opening the door for me.
I don’t know if chivalry will ever come back, Don. It might come back one of these days, but I don’t see it happening. When I get married and have children(one of these days), I will teach my children politeness and manners.
In contrast, I’ve known girls who refuse to open a door for themselves when they’re out with a guy. Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you feel like you have to force an act of courtesy out of someone, aren’t you being selfish? Girls lose points when they do that to me. Let me do it because I’m courteous. If I forget, I forget.
Not that my husband is a caveman but he respects me but he rarely opens doors, unless I stand there. However only once in twenty years we have swore at each other….I should actually say I got so mad at him, I told him to go to hell. He came into our room after I slammed it shut and said in a very nice voice “We will never use that kind of language in our home or at each other….and we never have!
Don,
I’m not your mother, but don’t be dating girls who say d@%*!
Just some friendly advice.