Don Osmond: In my opinion…

August 24, 2009

Dateless in a Mormon Maiden Mecca

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , , — donosmond @ 6:44 pm

Last week, a buddy called me to complain about not having anyone to date.

“Dude, I just can’t find anyone to go out with.”

Trying to act sympathetic: “You live in Utah — the Mormon Maiden Mecca.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what? You go to parties, ward and stake activities, institute. There is a plethora of women to meet.”

“It’s always the same crowd.”

“No, you just happen to hang around the same group of people. You’ve gotta branch out.”

I then recounted to him how my new calling as stake family home evening co-chair gave me reason to connect people.

Although my responsibilities were never laid out specifically, the stake high councilor left an underpinning thought with me — find activities that present opportunities for people to meet and date.

Taking that message to heart, every stake activity starts with a prayer, spiritual thought, and … my obnoxious salutation: “Glad you could all make it out tonight. Now it’s time to mix, mingle and find someone to date.” It usually gets a laugh or two out of the crowd.

But seriously, if someone isn’t doing anything to meet new people, what’s to be expected?

So, here’s my rant. (And, I realize this rests more on the guys.) Go to activities, break out of your comfort shell, introduce yourselves to someone new. Make a game out of it — the guy with the most phone numbers at the end of the night wins!

OK, maybe that’s not a great idea. Just have fun making new friends, and being a friend. You’ll be surprised what follows.

August 8, 2009

You know this guy???

Filed under: DonSense — Tags: , , — donosmond @ 5:36 pm

Can I share a secret with you? Do you promise not to tell anyone?

Oh, the irony of that statement.

I have the hardest time remembering names.

If remembering someone’s name is considered the best compliment one could ever give, forgetting someone’s name is probably the biggest social blunder one could make at parties and gatherings.

Well, events like the one below, happen to the best of us more often than we would like to admit. And, the scenario usually plays out something like this:

Being socialites in our late-20s and early-30s, we attend parties and functions where we fraternize with new acquaintances all the time. During those get-togethers, jokes and good times are shared.

Unfortunately, at the close of the evening, we go our separate ways and disappear into our private lives. We rarely consider getting each other’s contact information; we’ll just connect on Facebook.

Weeks go by, and we forget about that evening until another serendipitous rendezvous, reuniting all of our closest acquaintances together again. These are the moments, when paths cross, and re-introductions are inevitable; the embarrassment sets in.

“I know I know ‘em; I just don’t know ‘em.”

I’ll illustrate by putting myself on the chopping block … I keep running into one guy at every party throughout this state — literally, from Salt Lake City to St. George.

We’ve been introduced to each other at least five or six times. And, each time he seems more frustrated that I can’t remember his name.

“Look, buddy. I know you, I just don’t know you.”

Like most people, my problem has nothing to do with face recognition. However, when it comes to recalling someone’s name, I’m not always found wearing the victor’s crown.

Some just have names not easily forgotten. Um-m-m… Osmond?

So, the next time our paths cross and I don’t call you by name, it’s not that I don’t know you, it’s just that I don’t know you.

Please don’t hate me; I’m trying harder, and I’m getting better.

I’m so busted!

August 3, 2009

Flirt to convert

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , , , — donosmond @ 10:58 pm

I’ve recently started getting e-mails from faithful readers on different topics. Some tell me stories about their conversation as it pertains to my family; others are a little more curious about my dating life — insisting on lining me up with their daughters.

Truth be told, I do enjoy reading those e-mails. Some of them spawn concepts for my blog.

The idea for today’s blog, for example, came from a young woman’s e-mail who is frustrated about dating. She read my Cowboy article and mentioned how disheartening it is for her to find a good LDS guy.

Her solution to the dilemma was to start dating guys that aren’t LDS — broadening her dating pool.

She asked my opinion about dating someone of another faith, and supplementing her statement with, “hopefully he’ll convert and we’ll get married in the temple.”

It’s a dating tactic often referred to as flirt to convert.

Well, I’m no Dear Abby; however, I can provide my thoughts.

First off, you don’t crest 30 years old without having that notion cross your mind once or twice. And, being LDS, the constant reminder of eternal marriage looming over one’s head is intimidating, to say the least.

So, have I thought about the flirt-to-convert tactic? Yes. I’ve dated girls of other Christian faiths, and at times even considered taking those relationships more seriously.

Converting to another religion solely based on a love interest may not be the best foundation to begin a marriage.

Although, does flirting to convert work? Sure. I’ve heard success stories. Those relationships take extra time and are fraught with challenges, but what relationship isn’t?

I guess, in the end, each of us makes our own dating decisions. What will work for one doesn’t always work for another.

For the young woman looking for her cowboy … define your goals through sincere prayer and let your heart guide you.

The path of life isn’t always lined with silver, but the wisdom gained through experience is worth 10 times its weight in gold.

July 6, 2009

Answering the call when something is at stake

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , — donosmond @ 6:38 pm

Have you ever gotten the call? You know what I’m talking about. The phone rings with an unknown number, but curiosity gets the best of you and you answer it.

The voice on the other end says, “Hello, this is President Harold from the stake.”

That’s about the time your heart sinks to the bottom of your gut. Butterflies don’t even begin to compare to the anxiety that engulfs your body. Autopilot kicks in, and you systematically go through every potential question he could ask.

Do I pay my tithing? Check.

Did I get home teaching done last month? Check.

Have I been to the temple recently? Check.

And, after you’ve mentally raced through every possible query you can think of, you realize the purpose of the call — a stake calling.

Two weeks ago, I received that call while having a little fun in Vegas (Mormon-style, of course). Following an exchange of pleasantries, the stake representative who called me said, “Brother Osmond, the stake president would like to extend a stake calling to you.”

Bewildered. I think that hardly expresses adequately the feelings that overcame me.
At first blush, I thought this was some sort of funny prank and I was getting punked. I knew — without a shadow of doubt — the stake can’t give me a calling; I’ve only been the ward activities co-chair for three months.

Apparently, that’s not the case. If the stake needs you, they call you. And, my stake doesn’t waste any time getting callings filled.

The following Sunday, I was released from activities, called in as the new FHE “Grandaddy” (stake family home evening co-chair), and running my first stake FHE meeting.

Talk about a whirlwind weekend. Honestly, I would have felt more comfortable in a dark forest without a map or with a compass that doesn’t point north.

However, the amazing thing about a calling is even though the task seems impossible, all that is required is a willingness to try. Miraculously, the ability required to fulfill the calling (regardless of capacity) is provided when you just put forth even the smallest amount of effort — even if it’s only a desire to do your best. I suppose that’s the blessing of service.

Of course, in contrast, the other moral of the story is to do a better job screening your calls; something might be at stake.

June 15, 2009

Speaking of single’s wards…

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , — donosmond @ 2:51 pm

Speaking in church is never easy, and just about everyone has a fear of public speaking. If I’m not mistaken, glossophobia out ranks necrophobia (or the fear of dying). And as the joke goes… “When attending a funeral, a majority of the people would prefer to be in the casket rather than giving the eulogy.”

Well, I spoke in church last Sunday.

Two weeks before my pulpit pontification, I was corned near the bishop’s office by one of his counselors: “Brother Osmond, you’ve been on our radar for the past month, and we would still like you to give a talk in church.”

(Blogger’s note: I dodged the last time they asked me to speak because I was out of town.)

Unfortunately, I would not be getting out of this a second time. Yep, my phone confirmed the openness of my schedule; the Duck Beach extravaganza would come to a close just in time.

So, I responded to his request: “I’d be happy to speak in church. What is the topic?”

“We’d like to you to speak on sacrifice. You’ll be the only one covering that topic, and the concluding speaker. Prepare for something around five to seven minutes.”

Anyone who has spoken in church before knows the concluding speaker is the buffer, or accordion speaker. It’s his or her responsibility to end the meeting on time. If the first speakers are long-winded, keep it short; if they’re brief, vice versa.

In short, the meeting went well. Katie shared a beautifully prepared talk on fasting and prayer, and I stumbled through mine without making a complete fool out of myself.

But this post isn’t my talk — no. What I find interesting is the whole Mormon singles-ward sacrament experience.

It’s true; sacrament meeting is a great time to be spiritually edified. However, I’m a little concerned why some people feel it necessary to consider their speaking opportunities more like a bidding platform to garner potential dates.

People tell stupid jokes, they share overly personal experiences. There have been times when I’ve literally put my head down, bit my tongue and prayed for the meeting to end.

Look, I’m 29 years old; I’ve been to too many singles wards. And, all you “singles” out there know what I’m talking about.

There is a time and a place for the meat-market spectacle — church worship services ain’t it. It’s distracting, and almost as bad as public displays of affection in the pews.

Church activities: now that’s a different situation. Ward parties, BBQs, mingles … work it! It’s summer time, and parties in the park are the perfect opportunity for you to round up your friends and go on the hunt.

Let’s just leave sacrament meeting for spiritual edification, shall we?

June 1, 2009

Stay true to yourself

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , , — donosmond @ 2:35 pm

I watched Disney’s Mulan the other night. The final scene concludes with a song titled “True to Your Heart.” Listening to the words got me thinking. “Am I being true to my heart?” Or, in other words, “Am I being true to myself?” This question isn’t unique to me, we all have outward pressures to be what we think the world expects of us.

Nowhere is this more true than in the singles’ scene. First dates are riddled with getting-to-know-you questions, and if you’ve been blessed to experience your 100th first date, you’ve probably got answers polished with quips. You are a connoisseur of conversation; a wizard of wit; a dater debonair.

But, I talked with a few of my friends about the continual monotonous meetings, be they casual or fancy. Sometimes you may feel as though you’ve lost your identity by trying to pretend to be someone you are not; responding to questions with answers just to cater to the interests of someone else. How often have we tried to change ourselves just to get someone to like us? How often do we look upon the outward appearance rather than our hearts?

If you don’t mind me getting personal for a second…

I am an Osmond (not that that wasn’t obvious to begin with). And, there have been times in the past when I’ve appeased other people’s interests, in spite of my own. It could have been during formal gatherings where my family was recognized, or casual social scenes. But the same situations hold true if you’re a Haggard, Prabhakar, or Leavitt. We all play the getting-people-to-like-me game.

Additionally, I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (along with many of you who are reading this). And because of our association to the church, people expect us to be or act a certain way.

But, just because I’m an Osmond, and a Mormon, doesn’t mean I need to measure myself against the expectations of others. That’s good news.

What I have found out is the real you is within your heart. There is so much more to each of us than mere associations and titles, and God knows it; “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Sam 16:7)

Sure people are going to make assumptions about what you should and shouldn’t be doing, but that’s nothing more than an outward projection of other people’s reality. In other words, it’s not real!

I’ve been asked a million times, “Are you a singer like your father?” I guess that’s what people have come to expect of my family — entertainers.

I admire my father; he is an amazing man whom I look up to. I strive to live my life to a similar caliber. However, I may end up singing a different song in life.

So, how does all of this relate back to what I mentioned before? Simple. Be true to yourself; remember that you are a child of our Father in Heaven and that the worth of every soul (me, you, everyone) is great unto God. (D&C 18:10) At the end of the day, we don’t need to be someone we’re not. To do that would be to discount, even mock, the plan that God has for each of us.

So, there’s the pep talk. I guess what I’m driving at is that you just need to be patient with yourself and happy with who you are. You won’t please everybody all of the time, but you don’t have to.

May 25, 2009

A day for the often-remembered-seldom-seen relative

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , — donosmond @ 2:25 pm

Mother’s Day was no more than a week ago, a great time to gather and celebrate our mothers. And for good reason, you wouldn’t be here without her. Father’s Day is just around the corner, and we’ll soon be honoring them.

But, what about the family members you think of often (are even grateful for), but rarely get the opportunity to see? You know what I’m talking about. You never call; you never write. They’re probably wondering if you are even alive.

Well after doing a little Web surfing along the Google wave, I found out there is a day set aside for the family members we often forget. Today is Visit Your Relatives Day (a.k.a. The Often-Remembered-Seldom-Seen Relative’s Day).

Who would have thought there is an actual date for the members of our families we often think of, but rarely take the time to visit?

It happens to the best of us. We love our families, but we get so caught up in climbing corporate ladders, hoping to make the next big deal, knowing that one day our boss will see how important we are; we forget about those around us who already recognize our importance.

We end up not staying in touch for months — or even years — because of our busyness. Of course if you have a large family, taking time to visit each one of them will keep you busy for months.

I’m grateful that my family (even though there are a million Osmonds) does a pretty good job at attending weddings and Mormon mission homecomings. Although I’m sure we could be better.

So, today is set aside to visit your relatives, but getting in touch with everyone could be a Herculean task. Believe me, I’ve got way too many in my family to even think about attempting it.

Don’t worry about it. My thought is, try to contact the ones you haven’t seen for a while, or even someone you may need to get reacquainted with.

I’ve moved around a lot for the better part of my life. My travels have put me in Canada, England, both coast of the United States, as well as a few places in between. And, if there is one thing I’ve learned in my short 30 years, your family is always there for you: immediate or extended.

Think about the longest friendship you’ve ever had. Chances are that doesn’t even come close to how long you and your brother or sister have known each other.

There is a strong bond that exists within a family. That old saying, “blood is thicker than water” is so true. Even the word family can stir a myriad of emotions: the great, the good and the not-so-good.

Your family has been there through thick and thin: the best of times, and the worst of times. They know you so well, they know exactly what buttons to press to make you laugh or cry.

Because of this, it’s true there are times when you get frustrated or disappointed with each other. But, the bottom line is family relationships are strong and lasting.

That is one of the greatest blessings about a family; familial ties are everlasting. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that the family is central to our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. Families are centered on love, togetherness and respect.

If you haven’t done so in a while, take a look at your family tree. You’ll notice a long line of people who loved each other.

So, if someone has come to mind in the last five minutes, you may want to consider stopping by for a visit, or making a phone call. However, if you haven’t seen him or her for a while, may I suggest the phone call? They might get a little surprised if you stop by unexpectedly.

May 18, 2009

Where’s my wingman?

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , , — donosmond @ 2:09 pm

This one goes out to all my brothas in da quorum. (And that’s just another fine example of a white boy trying to act gangsta’.)

Talk about a week of parties and celebrations. Last Monday was Happy Star Wars Day with people texting, “May the Fourth be with you!” Tuesday was Cinco de Mayo — I’ve never seen so many Utahns embrace their Mexican heritage. Wednesday: a birthday party — Happy Birthday, Lyndee! Thursday … OK, nothing happened on Thursday. It’s kind of an odd day of the week. Friday: Does anyone need a reason to celebrate the return of the weekend?

With all of these shindigs, you would think one would get tired and take a day off to recoup from constantly partying. Well, that’s one of the blessings about being Mormon: no binge drinking. In fact, no drinking at all. No alcohol, no hangover. No hangover, more parties!

Unfortunately, it does mean you’ll remember everything you did the night before, and you can’t blame your stupidity on being intoxicated. So, this brings to light a “must have” for every party situation: the wingman.

Because we won’t dissect the supporting factors of a wingman, let’s just make a comparison between parties and the classic wingman example: Maverick and Goose from “Top Gun.”

Maverick is known for being a wild card, and he needs Goose for both work and play. Goose is always there to keep Maverick grounded if he ever gets carried away in the moment. But, they also play off each other so well they’ll sometimes pick up a microphone and woo the ladies with a little karaoke.

Similar to a dogfighting situation, flying solo into any party is a dangerous tactic. It’s like putting a MiG 28 into a 4-G negative dive — sometimes risky, but well worth the glory and brag rights.

The first matter of business upon walking into a house party is locating friendlies. Depending on whether you arrive solo or with your squadron, immediately establish radio contact with your wingman. Avoid engaging in conversation with any bogeys, you may get shot down in a blaze of glory.

You are now ready for the flyby.

“Tower, this is ghost rider requesting a flyby.”

Wait for your wingman to give you the all-clear before attempting this stunt. It’s pretty embarrassing when you find out “the pattern is full.”

Although flybys are exhilarating, they are no good if that’s all you’ve done by the end of the party. (And, we all know most Utah parties are just that — a whole lot of lookin’, and not much askin’.) Once a target is acquired, engage — preferably with your wingman, because there’s a good chance she’s not flying solo.

The two of you position yourselves accordingly, and obey rules of engagement. A real wingman always has your back and will take one for the team. During the scuffle, your wingman will distract the majority while you peel off to go one on one.

Typically, you’ll go head-to-head for a few minutes before you can get a shot off. Once locked on, release the can-I-get-your-number missile. If everything played out effectively, you can return to base knowing you’ve completed a successful sortie.

Remember to thank your wingman for his evasive tactics. You’ll be flying his wing during the next mission, and both of you will leave the party saying, “I feel the need, the need for speed.”

I’m sure nearly every single out in Mormondom is sick and tired of going to parties and leaving fruitless. And, it’s not just house parties; I’m including singles-ward activities. This happens any time the is a large gathering of singles.

Hopefully the next party you attend you’ll recall a short phrase: “What would Maverick and Goose do?” Party on!

May 4, 2009

Successfully laid off

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , , , — donosmond @ 1:52 pm

What once was a reason for despair has turned into a status symbol. (Probably more true if you’re single, rather than married.) Let’s be honest, losing your job is a traumatic experience.

It’s almost daily that we hear of another person being laid off from his or her job. Just last week three of my friends were let go from their jobs; the reason, company down-sizing to stay afloat during these tumultuous economic times.

Regardless of what may or may not have been communicated during the exit interviews, I’m willing to bet that the reasoning behind being let go had very little, if nothing, to do with my friends’ work ethic. It may have just been the “un-luck” of the draw.

People take losing their jobs personally. And who wouldn’t begin to question his or her work ethic? No one likes failure (being “let go” is a biggie!), but when it happens — because inevitably it will — it’s important to remember success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts — a statement often misattributed to Sir Winston Churchill, but still a valid statement.

For whatever the reason you may find yourself, it’s best to refrain from becoming bitter. The old adage, “when life throws you lemons…” is never more applicable then now. Think about the opportunity presented you by being laid off, especially if you are single — arguably the most resilient demographic out there. If you think about it, we really do have an enormous disposable income in comparison to our married counterparts.

You lost your job; is this really “unlucky,” or is it just a blessing in disguise? Personally, it’s just the beginning of a lifelong adventure.

So, now as a single who recently lost your job, what better time do you have for a clear self-evaluation of where you’ve been and where you want to go? Sure, it’s going to require a little bit of a lifestyle change, but you’d be surprised on how little you need to live on. (I’d bet on that, but I’m Mormon.)

“Kickin’ it” on your own isn’t going to be a walk in the park. During the last general conference, Elder Robert D. Hales said: “Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (1 Corinthians 10:13).” I would venture to say that would include the loss of a job as well.

I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but being laid off may be one of the greatest things that ever happens to you. This is a time for reflection; a time to get away from all the traffic in your mind.

Often, we get lost in the busyness of life. We think “all’s well in Zion” until the rug is pulled out from under us.

I can think of seven friends, all single, who have recently lost their jobs. Most of them are a little nervous about their futures, but each has mentioned that this experience is bringing clarity and more focus for what they really want to achieve. They all have come up with different ways of moving forward with life. A few of them even have mentioned that being laid off has given them a new drive to pursue long-forgotten goals.

Think about this for a second: When was the last time you reflected on your goals and what you wanted to pursue? You know, the ones you used to dream about, saying, “As soon as I have more free time, I’m going to….” If you’re anything like me, it’s been a few years. But, circumstances the way they are now, the proverbial rat race has left you in the dust — remember?

Being laid off is a great time to serve others and network; start making plans for your future. Going back to school is even an option. Call it what you want, but this could be a second chance to create something meaningful in your life. Imagine that; working for a purpose, rather than just working to work.

You’ve got work experience. You’re young and single — no dependents. You can do anything you want. Now is the time to reflect on those dreams; go where your heart really wants to take you. Go to the temple. Seek your Heavenly Father’s guidance; he will direct you.

So, basically what I’m driving at is that everything is going to work out fine if you just “put your shoulder to the wheel” and “push along.” Remember what the Lord told Joseph Smith the Prophet while a prisoner in Liberty Jail: “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7)

April 13, 2009

Cresting 30

Filed under: Cresting 30 — Tags: , , — donosmond @ 12:56 pm

I’m not about to incite an uprising of 30-somethings and go toe-to-toe against the words of our prophets and living oracles. They are blessed with wisdom — an apostolic gift given to them by God to lead us in righteousness. It would be folly for us not to listen to their counsel.

However, singles wards these days seem to be getting larger and larger. Almost monthly, there is a new Mormon singles ward to go “check out.” Despite the constant temple-wedding announcements from the members of young single adult wards that infiltrate my mailbox, I still hear, from time to time, that one of my friends received his or her 31st birthday gift from the church — a hearty welcome to the family ward.

The Pandemic: singles are getting older, marrying later.

Take my ward for example. The average age is 26. Are we all menaces to society? No! Should we be married? Well, yeah, but that’s a given.

I came close to being married, twice, and for a long time felt as though I missed out on the blessings of the temple. In my mind’s eye, a branding iron came down from heaven and marked me “the eternal bachelor.” However, I surrounded myself with good friends, angels who would bear me up. Together, we had seen it all — break-ups, failed engagements, even divorce. Even with all that heartache, we still found reason to enjoy each other’s company, have good times and laugh.

The secret: We don’t wear these burdens on our sleeves or shout from the rooftops, “Hey, I have a commitment problem!” On the contrary, we find ways to help and serve each other. Getting lost in the compassion of others helps us drown our troubles in service, rather than drinks. As Luke’s gospel records: “Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.”

Being single, and cresting 30 in July, I’ve come to realize the Lord does bless his children. It may be a different type of blessing than our married counterparts, but we are still blessed regardless. There is no reason why any single adult should be sulking.

Singles are blessed with so many experiences and opportunities, yet we are often blinded by the outward perceptions of LDS perfection. Take for example the blessing of freedom. (Now, I’m not saying marrieds aren’t free … you get the picture.) Being single, you should take every opportunity you have readily available. The sky — very literally — is the limit.

If you’ve done this — great! Take a minute and reflect on where you’ve been and what you have learned from the past. My guess is you’ve learned a lot! Now go out and share what you’ve learned with others. There is strength in numbers, and there are a lot of singles that need each other.

Perhaps you’ve gone through the refiner’s fire of heartache; I just hope you’ve lighted your candle to light the way for others. That doesn’t mean you pour out a sob story to others. What did Bing Crosby say? “You’ve got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, don’t mess with Mister In-Between.”

Great. So there’s the pep talk. You still have to date. Just because we feel better about ourselves and the position we are in doesn’t mean the ultimate goal has changed. We still strive for the blessings of being sealed in the temple with our spouse for time and all eternity. But instead of being so inwardly focused on what we don’t have, we realize the things we do have. You may need to still think about it from time to time and come to terms that what you have, your married friends may not have … like going on crazy fun vacations with friends.

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