Don Osmond: In my opinion…

Mormon culture never ceases to amaze me. And nowhere in the world is there a more defined Mormon “bubble” than Provo, Utah.

Between teenagers coming up with crazy, creative ways of asking a girl out to a high school dance and provident living food storage, there is bound to come a point when the two collide; little did I know I’d be living in it.

Straight from Provo — Chicken Coop Communities! Yes, the people of Provo now have the right to raise chickens. Really? I never knew it was illegal to begin with. But, in classic Provo fashion, where you need a permit to sneeze in public, P-town requires a permit to own chickens.

Well, it couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. A few weeks ago, my nearly youngest brother wanted to be creative and ask a girl out for a high school dance date. Since his older brothers (myself included) have all experienced high school dating in Utah, we put on our thinking caps to recall the various, ridiculous ways we asked out girls when we were teenagers.

Our imaginative minds concocted a simple, yet original, scheme. We hollowed out a chicken’s egg and inserting a note saying, “Will you go to the high school dance with me?”

Picture this. Since it was near Easter, we procured a basket filled with plastic grass clippings, decorated with jelly beans and candy; the crowning piece — our hollowed egg! We delivered the package to her doorstep with a note that read, “Crack me up, this is no ‘yoke’!”

The next week a similar package arrived at my parents’ home: It was a gift-wrapped box. The peculiar thing about this box was the repetitive chirping noise emanating from a small hole. Within the box was a little chick, which couldn’t be more than a couple of weeks old. In the best form of a true antithetic response, this young girl replies to my brother with a chick bearing a “yes” sign. Very clever.

Now, three weeks later, what is my brother supposed to do with this chick? (Don’t worry; he’s kept good care for it, so far.) He can’t keep it. Or, can he?

Well, according to a new Provo city ordinance he can. However, I’m not so sure the neighbors will appreciate this chick’s relentless, high-pitched chirping.

Though Provo City Council recently passed an ordinance allowing homeowners to raise chickens on properties, I understand this controversy is ruffling feathers on both sides of the fence.

Mormon culture is one of provident living, or at least it’s something we are taught. Owning your own chickens is a grade-A “eggs”ample of provident living. Add a garden to your backyard and that’s truly living off the land.

Apparently, there are a number of Provo families who have chicken coops. In fact, most are unknown in our community. I even knew of someone who owned chickens on their property for the past 10 years. (Note to Provo city officials: The family has since removed the coop and no longer raises chickens. Additionally, no one ever complained about smell or noise. So, don’t go looking for their permit.)

Since “Lloyd” moved in (Yes, we named the chick Lloyd), our family toyed with the idea of having a free-range chicken roaming our property. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have fresh eggs in the morning? (Oh yeah, the vegans.)

However, Lloyd is getting bigger and my mother isn’t too keen on the idea of more pets around the house. I guess that’s what she gets for having boys. Anyone in Provo want a chicken?