I had no idea I would strike up such a conversation on Facebook when I posted a comment about having a debate about the fact that boys and girls can’t be “just friends” with a buddy of mine — don’t worry, man; I’ll keep you safe.
A lot of people shared their thoughts and have even asked me to share mine. So, against my better judgement, here goes.
Majority of the time men are attracted to women, and vice versa, for some reason or another; be it physical, emotional or spiritual. Whatever the case may be there is something that draws them closer together; thus begins the cultivation of a new friendship. In order to maintain this friendship, either the interest must maintain status quo or rise, which then encourages a stronger relationship.
However, every person is different and can act for oneself — oh, that blessing and curse! And since that relationship is based on the perceptions of two distinct people, things don’t always happen the way one would hope. Incorporate the differences between men and women… well, I needn’t get into that debate.
Basically, what I’m getting at is this… Yes, men and women can be just friends. Does the relationship magically resolve to a completely plutonic state? No. Is it possible for there to be a mutually understanding as to what that friendship is? Yes.
The only way I see men and women being “just friends” is through open and honest conversation with each other. Make sure expectations are managed from both sides.
Hey, I didn’t say this would be easy. I’m just sharing My Opinion.
We can be friends, but like some of you said, some we look at differently when no one is looking, plus some friends come with benefits, if that’s what you want, but then if they have benefits are they “a friend”.
Cheers
Spice
Guys and girls can be “just friends”, even after each have married someone else. I have male friendships that I’ve maintained for many years.
Although they are good friends, they can’t hold a candle to my husband.
Aly
Thanks for the birthday wish, but my birthday is August 1, today is Shundra’s birthday. My boss does that to me also, last year I had 4 birthday’s. Seems like if he had his way I’d be about 100 by now. So again Happy Birthday Shundra.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNN, hope you had a nice day
I really can not see what the problem is,people think because you have a girl as a friend ,your going out with them,”BULL”
Well if thats the case,ive had hundreds of boys then,
Im one of 5 kids,i have 4 brothers,who all have mates,we are a close family,so being the only girl,i spent a lot of time with my brothers and there friends,
One lad comes to mind he has know died,he was in the september 11th towers when they went down,
We used to go everywhere,and people used to say to me, when are you to getting married,people cannot understand we were just friends,
Ill never forget the day he got a girlfriend, my friends thought i would be gutted, NOOOOOOO WAYYY i was so made up for them both,people would not talk about them when i was around and so on.in case i got upset about it.
Due to all this,they split up a few weeks later,which really saddens me, because they really made a lovely couple.
He actaully turned to men,and found a great lad.who he loved to bits,and would be together to this day ,if the towers had not gone down,
I just think its a sad state of affairs if you can not have a friend of the opposite sex.
Very smart Don!
Happy Birthday Shundra. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did mine. I will turn the big 30 on August 1st. Not sure yet if I am looking forward to it or not.
LOL, MamaC. You’re too funny.
I think for us women, we don’t mind starting out as friends or have just male friends. Some guys were the ones who see us like that or the other way around.
Didn’t the cover this topic in “When Harry Met Sally?”.
I think women are more inclined to believe that they can be “just friends” with a guy, then guys are. Guys are more physical, while girls are more emotional (hmmmm…didn’t someone I know tell me that just recently???
I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I think, like you said, there has to be some basis of chemistry there at the beginning, which may be unevenly felt by both parties.
That is, of course, unless a 29-year-old dude finds himself so inclined to pal around with a 40-something chick. Then all bets are off.
Don. Does that mean I’m not a friend, just an annoying girl. LOL Just kidding.
Anyway. I agree, Don. I have a few male friends. Just a few, but I only see them as friends and I don’t see them as becoming my boyfriend down the road. But I believe if you do have a friend guy and you like him, I myself. I like to take it slow and start out as friends and if something happens, then I’m all for it.
Some guys just don’t want to take it slow. Don. Can you point me in the right direction with the guys you’re talking about. I’m not seeing them.
Don. Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends? Oh boy I’m singing.
On a happy note. I turn 29 tomorrow.
I definately feel that men and women can “just be friends,” and I think it is important for a person to have friends of both sexes. It gives life a greater balance that if your friends are all of one gender.
My female friends are my very best friends, and I would not change a single thing about any of them – for the most part my female friends satsify that emotional and nurturing connectivity that one part of me needs. My male friends give me perspective and make me remember that not all things in life are “peachy keen.”
Granted that is not to say that all of my friends fit into either sterotypical box that I just described, just that I can not image my life with out a balance of both male and female friends.
Great post Don!
p.s. if you are so inclined – you can add me to your facebook friends. people fascinate me, I love the perspectives of others
I like your opinion, Don. My opinion may or may not differ, it depends on how you interpret the two.
I think that the level of attraction you have in a person of the opposite gender affects whether you are satisfied with being “just friends” or want something more, while your emotional stability affects whether or not you can still have a lasting “just friends” relationship with someone you’d rather date. But your level of attraction in a person can decrease without ruining the friendship, as is the case with several of my friends.
I most definitely think men and women can be platonic friends. Relationships come and go. Friends stick around!
Don, when you started the debate about males and females being friends are you talking about friends you know in person or Facebook?
Very well said Don. I agree completely.
Don! I Juuuuust blogged about dating myself. I totally agree with you – well said my friend, well said.