Don Osmond: In my opinion…

During the past couple of days, I’ve been backdating my blog with some of my past writings. If you’re interested, I’ve included a link to the Date Doc posts.

I may also include others later, but at least this is a start. So if you like them, check back again later. (a lot later)

Enjoy

I’ve not posted one of these for a long time. Hope you all enjoy!

Dear Date Doctor,
I would like to know about ages for dating… I know this is really random but how old is too old? I am dating someone much older than me and when I tell people his age they gasp for air and fall down. If you can put something up for ages? A lot of my girlfriends are having the same questions…

Age is relative. We’ve all heard it before, “Well, when he’s 65, you’ll be 51. And, that’s not too bad.” Yeah but, if you’re 21 right now, that means he’s 35! I’m sorry, but that’s just too much of an age-gap to deal with.

That said. Let’s call it what it is. Whether you’re a young girl with a “Sugar Daddy,” or a woman with a “Toy Boy;” that’s a generation gap. Think of it this way; when you were in diapers, he/she was in a cap and gown graduating from high school. (Heaven forbid it was college!)

Now, I’m going condone, nor justify, anyone’s decision to date outside the “respectable” age range. But, I would hope that you would consider a few points of interest.

Why are you dating this person? For love, or for something else… That’s a hard question to answer. But, be honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few questions. Be smart about it, too. There is no need to grow up any faster than you already do. Enjoy college. You’re young only once. You could be missing out on a lot.

If you are still confused as to whether or not you should be dating someone, may I offer this simple mathematical equation?

(1/2 boy’s age) + 7 = (age of youngest girl he should date)

Example: ME
I’m 28. Half my age is 14. If I add 7 to 14, I get 21! Therefore if I were dating someone, she would have to be at least 21 years old. A girl who is 19 is out of the question!

By the way, this formula has its limitations. It doesn’t work the other way around (half girl’s age… etc.) It breaks down at around the age 45 for men. And, let’s not use it as an excuse to date high school girls. That’s just sick and wrong.

“How do I survive being home for the holidays with family and friends asking me about my dating life if it’s not going anywhere? Do you have any suggestions on how to avoid the question or change the subject?”

That’s the blessing and curse of going to school in Utah.

You go to BYU because the communications department is ranked in the top five. Your family thinks you’re there because it is the land of “milk and ‘hunnies.’” (Your brother met his wife there, your parents met there, even your grandparents met there!)

So, it’s inevitable that the “dating” question will pop up in conversation. And unfortunately, everyone who is married will have some type of advice to give you. (Because they are experts.)

I don’t think there is a way to avoid the topic. The best thing to do, have a positive attitude. Easier said than done? True, but if you fight against everyone, it will just give them more fodder.

Trust me, this happens to me every family get-together: (comments are made in jest)

Family member: “Don, why aren’t you married yet?”
Don: “I’m waiting for her to graduate high school.”

Family member: “Are you dating anyone seriously?”
Don: “No, I’m just seriously dating.”

Family member: “What happened to ‘so-and-so’? You two were perfect for each other.”
Don: “She felt her career was more important than marriage. I died the day she told me she was moving to Alaska to be a penguin trainer.” (Don’t forget to cry!)

On a more serious note, family are only concerned for you. Just be honest with them. Let them know how you feel about dating. If you’re frustrated, tell them. The married ones have been there before. The single ones are going through it. Everyone needs a little support. Dating is brutal: lean upon your family. You’ll find they truly care about you and want you to be happy.

Enjoy this holiday season!!

The holiday season is upon us, and time to go back home and be with family. But, this also means that those of us that have hooked up may not see our significant other for a week or so. Reminds me of a song, Blue Christmas.

I’ll have a blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same dear, if you’re not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue Christmas

So, the question. “How do I stay in touch with someone I just started dating during the holidays without seeming too overbearing? Will they freak out if I call everyday?”

For all intents and purposes in this column, let’s assume you have been dating for about two months now. Meaning, you are dating seriously, you spend more time together than apart, and your grades are dropping because study time has become steady time.

Now, on with the play-by-play…

It’s the first day of winter break, and you are driving her to the airport. When you get there, you unload her luggage; you embrace, kiss and even cry a little since you are not going to see each other for about a week. Then, she leaves.

Hours pass by, and she finally calls to let you know she made it home safely. (That’s a good thing. She was thinking about you on the plane)

The next day is the first full day you will not see her, and think to yourself, “I hope she is having a good time with her family.” You want to call her, but you don’t know what to say.

It is at this exact moment when you realize your relationship has gone from no distance to long distance. Oh, the agony! What do you talk about when you haven’t seen each other for 24 hours? (That’s for you to figure out.)

However, now that you are in a long-distance relationship, avoid talking like: “I miss you so much.” And… “It’s so hard to get through the day without you.” Or… “I want to be cuddling up next to you under a blanket, in front of a fire, with cup of hot chocolate, while the snow is falling outside.”

(You’re laughing… It’s because we’ve all said it before)

These are what I like to call draining statements. They don’t promote a positive attitude. In fact, they do just the opposite; you begin thinking about everything you don’t have. And when you focus on that, you only become depressed.

Instead talk about what you are doing rather than what you are not doing. No one wants a needy person. Sure it’s nice to be loved, and yes, you’d rather be cuddling with your special someone. But, save that for later.

I’ll tell you this. I’m willing to bet that during this holiday season, if you were to have positive conversations, you could call nearly everyday without being overbearing.

And when she comes back for the next semester, you’ll be waiting at the airport to greet her with a hug and a kiss, and another kiss. Well… maybe one more kiss.

I just graduated from high school and now am attending UVSC. I would like to ask someone out, but do pick-up lines work on college women?

Oh, my dear boy. I wish I could tell you that dating in college is the same as dating in high school. Alas, it is not.

Contrary to popular opinion, when you tell a girl, “If I said you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?” She will. But, it’s not what you would expect.

Pick-up lines, for the most part, are empty, spineless, and meaningless remarks women could care less about. It’s not flattering to ask a woman if her “daddy is a baker, because she has nice buns.” There are more tactful ways of commenting on her figure. And, it’s not “whatcha gonna do wit all that junk?”

A more tactfully approach to a pick-up line will require more meaningful conversation to follow. For example, if your best pick-up line is, “Do you believe in love at first sight?” You better be able to continue the conversation with something like, “I’m sorry that was cheesy, but I couldn’t think of anything to say that would get your attention. Can I try that again, or at least introduce myself. I’m (your name goes here).”

Now that you have her attention, say something – anything. You’ve already broken the ice. Talk about whatever comes to mind. Is she reading a book? Ask her what she’s reading. The point is that you maintain some type of conversation that will allow you to get to know a little more about each other.

Note: Conversations are most enjoyable when both parties contribute to the subject matter. Don’t do all of the talking and don’t talk about yourself too much. No woman wants to talk to an egotistical blabbermouth.

If the conversation went well, and you both enjoyed each other’s company, ask for her number. Chances are good that she’ll give it to you.

I know this may be a little challenging at first, but give it a try. Girls are pretty forgiving. Besides, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Happy Hunting!

There are so many horror stories about blind dates that I’m afraid to go on one. What should I do?

Funny you mention blind dates. Last year a friend challenged me to go on 100 blind dates in a calendar year. And like an idiot, I accepted the challenge knowing full well I would not be able to accomplish the Herculean task. I should say, hopefully without incriminating myself, I got close!

I think it is important to mention that each girl I went out with, individually, has remarkable talents and attributes. I’m foolish to let many pass me by and neglect the old adage, “carpe diem.”

Moral of this story – date! Date a lot. Take every opportunity to date. Just don’t let your pride of accepting a silly challenge get in the way of something better.

As for the fear of blind dating, allow me to offer two points of advice that will help you set the boundaries for an enjoyable, yet quick, blind date.

First, a blind date is nothing more than an opportunity for you to assess your date. Ask yourself the question, “Would I have given you my cell phone number? Or, would I have asked for your number?” This should be your perspective. Though it sounds harsh, we all know it’s the truth. You don’t need to decide if you’re going to marry this person at the end of the date.

Second, establish a time limit. When you set up the date, let your date know that you would love to go out with them – and be sincere about it. But, make sure they understand that you’ve got things you would like to do after the date, so you need to be home by a certain time. And stick to it! What if the date is going well? Keep your time commitment. If you want to go out with your date again, let her/him know you’d like to go out again. Then set up another date. Don’t forget, you can have too much of a good thing!

Voice of caution: Don’t tell a girl you will call her if you’re not. There is nothing worse than to make a commitment that you don’t intend to keep. If you’re like Chandler from Friends and don’t know what to say at the end of a date, try saying something like, “I had a great time. Thanks for a wonderful evening.” That’s it.

Above all, enjoy the date. Who knows what could happen.

Yin and Yang…

That is what this is all about. Traditional dating is taking a back seat now as we are easing into the 21st century. To hear that a couple met over the World Wide Web is becoming more acceptable, and claim that were it not for the internet they would have never met. Their lives have changed for the better. They have found each other through the miracles of technology.

If you want my honest opinion, it should be considered a miracle that anyone was able to find true love before the advent of online dating.

However, have we taken this too far? Should we consider online dating help or a hindrance?

Do we give to much credit to our online resources as silos filled with fine gender specimens? People are still struggling to find their “soul mate.” That’s ridiculous! You mean to tell me that you have a choice of thousands of women, and you can’t find one you want to be with? I resort back to my previous comment: it was a miracle before the advent of online dating.

In my opinion, people are using the online dating services to find the next latest and greatest. It removes the chance to consider the benefits of being one person. Why be monogamous when you have hoards to choose from?

I am back with another sad story. Dorian Ringer writes, “I went to pick-up my date and honked for her in her driveway, but she never came out. When I went to the door, her roommates told me, ‘she will not be going out with you tonight.’”

For some reason chivalry has left the dating scene. Guys are just not gentlemen any more. So, let’s use that to our benefit. This will really help us stand out from all the other dates these girls go on during the week.

This is what the ladies told me: “The door. Get it!” They say it’s worth points. (Not sure what that meant.)

Evidently, girls keep score during a date; for some it is a numbers game, others use a grading scale. (I thought that might be helpful for some of us out there.)

“The Door.” Apparently, girls have a thing about the door, and it applies in a few areas. When you go to pick her up, walk to “the door” and either ring the doorbell or knock. Do not call her from your cell phone and tell her to meet you in your car. Even if you’ve known her for a while, get out and go to the door!

Of course, there’s your car door, too. Trust me; this is big on the points scale. There is a shortage of perfect gentlemen out there. Opening her door when she is getting in your car will elevate you from being a “typical boy.” Don’t worry, there is no need to open it when she gets out; it’s just the getting in part.

As with the car door, get the door at the restaurant, dance or bowling ally. You don’t need to make a big deal about it, but you should treat the girl with respect. This is one of the easiest ways to do that. And again, it’s about points here.

Finally, the “door” scene. If you had a good time (and even if you didn’t) walk her to the door. Take a few minutes to park your car, turn off the engine and walk her to the door. This is a perfect opportunity for you to talk about the time you spent together this evening and ask her for a second date (hint, hint).

Guys, I know there are not many gentlemen out there, but for once give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised. I am sure she will.