Don Osmond: In my opinion…

Have you ever been on a date you just know is going to end with him on one knee, and a ring in hand? You know the type; the over-complimenting date who can’t stop staring at you with googly eyes. But it’s not only the men; ladies are just as guilty.

Once in a blue moon the scenario works out perfectly; engaged one week, married the next and a “happily ever after.”

But, really, can you honestly tell after one date that you’re a match made in heaven?

Or is the real culprit here just a confusion between an emotional and a spiritual experience?

I’ve seen a lot of quick weddings. Let’s be honest, when you live in Provo, it’s a common occurrence. In fact, while a counselor for Especially For Youth (EFY), I actually witnessed a young college-age couple get married within a month of knowing each other. They met the first week; engaged by the second week; married before the month was out. Is that crazy, or what? (Of course, that may be BYU protocol.)

Look: Just because something is right, doesn’t mean it’s the right time. And, this isn’t just happening at EFY and singles wards; it’s anywhere you find the overzealous. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. The next step is marriage, right? But, what happens to courtship? Isn’t that also supposed to be part of the marriage process?

We live in a consumer-oriented society. When we see something, we want it — now! But, indulge me for a second as I suggest finding “Joy In The Journey?” (Thought I’d keep with the EFY theme.)

Shouldn’t dating be an experience? After you are married, don’t you want to look back with fondness on your courtship? The alternative will be telling your children, “I never dated your mother, we just knew it was right.”

That reminds me of a friend who recently got married. While she was engaged, people kept on saying, “Aren’t you so excited for this to be over and to just be married already?” Her response was perfect. “No. I’m only going to be engaged once (hopefully), so I don’t want this to just be over, I want to enjoy every second of it!”

Dating and marriage should be looked upon as obtaining a great goal; because it is. And as with every other goal you accomplish, there is a lot of sacrifice, hard work and dedication you put into achieving that goal.

As odd as this may sound, true joy is realized after struggling through challenges with the perseverance and commitment necessary to accomplish a goal. That’s where the real fulfillment occurs.

This gives new meaning to the scripture in 2 Nephi 2:25, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

So how do we relate this to ourselves? Well, to quote Jordan Sparks, “We live and we learn to take one step at a time. There’s no need to rush. It’s like learning to fly, or falling in love. It’s gonna happen and it’s supposed to happen; we find the reasons why. One step at a time.” (Yes, I quoted Jordan Sparks.)

Think of it this way; why rob yourself of the joy of learning about someone just to jump into marriage? Is it because you have this deep-rooted realization that marriage is the crowning goal of perfection, and you’ve gotta have it right now? Some would say they’ve had a spiritual confirmation, so why wait?

Well, here’s what I’m driving at … date to get to know the person.

If you have an amazing spiritual experience with someone, keep it to yourself and God. When the time is right, then act. The person you are dating requires the same spiritual confirmation before you progress.

A’ight boys; this one’s for us. It’s a topic mentioned recently on my personal blog, but I thought it’s important enough to share here as well.

A couple of months ago, I was chatting with a girl friend of mine (a friend who happens to be a girl; don’t be getting any ideas), and during the conversation she asked me, “Where have all the cowboys gone?”

Holding back a smirk, I responded with, “You do realize we live in the city, right?”

And without missing a beat, she said: “I’m speaking metaphorically. Where is chivalry in the world today?”

We talked about this for awhile and came to the conclusion chivalry is on hiatus somewhere in the Bahamas, because we rarely see it in the dating world — she told me men don’t offer it often, and I explained that women seem apprehensive toward guys who are. By no specific fault of either gender, chivalry has gone the way of the dinosaur. People aren’t nice just because; there’s always an ulterior motive, right?

She then proceeded to tell me about a date she had a few years previous while attending Utah Valley State College (of course now it’s Utah Valley University). There was a young country boy, who returned home from serving a full-time mission, in her history class. During the semester they became friends. One day after class, he mustered up enough courage to ask, “Can I take you to dinner?” She agreed and arrangements were set for the weekend.

When Friday night arrived, he drove to her apartment, walked to the door and knocked. After pleasantries were exchanged, the date ensued. She mentioned that he was a little awkward on the date, but attributed it to being “fresh off the mission.” One thing that did strike her about his demeanor was how gentlemanly he was. “He treated me like a lady.”

That’s when I got pen and paper out, because I knew she was about to tell me the secret of winning a woman’s heart. As I waited on baited breath, she said, “Throughout the evening, he was so cautious to make sure he always held the door open for me: car door, restaurant, movie, etc.” But being young, she admitted getting a little frustrated thinking; “I’m fully capable of opening my own door.” So she asked, “Why do you always get the door for me?”

He timidly responded with, “I’m just trying to be a real cowboy, like my father.”

I will never forget the day my father taught my brothers and me about chivalry. It was during a family home evening lesson; he explained every detail of what he expected his sons to do when they started dating. Holding doors for women, offering your chair for her to sit, etc. I was probably no more than 8 years old — dating was a lifetime away, but to this day, I open the door for every date. (Guys, I highly recommend you either start or continue to do this for every girl you go out with. You’ll be surprised how well she’ll respond.)

But, why stop being chivalrous when you’ve dropped off your date? How many times have Mormon leaders referenced the brethren as “a royal priesthood”? (1 Peter 2:9) Taking writer’s liberties and making a comparison to royalty, chivalry is to exude the qualities idealized by knighthood. These qualities include courtesy, honor, bravery, and gallantry towards all women. There are so many applications for chivalry.

Call me old-fashioned, but what woman doesn’t want to be swept off her feet, riding off into the sunset with her cowboy? Besides, something tells me the guy is getting a pretty good deal in the end as well.

Great, so there’s the pep talk. I guess the point I’m trying to get across is this: Can we all try a little harder to be more chivalrous, or gracious to accept chivalry? Guys, this is probably more of a call for us to step it up. It’s about time we dust off the boots of chivalry, tip the hat of courtesy and cowboy up.